What Is Asexuality?

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy or abstinence, it is not a choice, but a sexual orientation. It's estimated that atleast 1% of the population is asexual. Unfortunately in our hyper-sexed culture, asexuality has little to no representation. For this reason, it has been deemed the "invisible orientation".

Many people on the asexual spectrum feel broken, misunderstood, and isolated. The truth is, they have the same emotional needs as everybody else. Many asexuals (or aces for short) desire romantic relationships and may also identify as gay, straight, bi, or pan. Even those who are aromantic (not romantically attracted), may long for deep platonic connections. Since asexuality is rooted in a the lack of sexual attraction, some aces do have sex. As you see, there's a lot of diversity within the ace-spectrum.


i think i'm asexual, but what if I'm not sure?

It might be scary identifying as non-straight. While this label also counts as a membership to a different community, who's to say that's the community you'll fit in with? Especially you've never met them! Because kinship hasn't been established, you might fear of crashing the party. The imposter effect is very real. 

Here's the bottom line: Only you can decide whether the label suits you. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) states, "If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so." In the meantime, try not to judge yourself for indecision. Because asexuality claims the absence of experience, it can be difficult to pinpoint. 

No matter which label you choose,
your resonance with the community is valid

David Jay argues that asexual people, who make up 1% of our population, have the same desire for connection as everyone else. He asks how we can disentangle the struggle for connection from a culture of sexuality, and hopes that we might learn to talk about, celebrate and prioritize asexual relationships as much as we do sexual relationships.


infographics and visual stories


are you located near san francisco and interested in the asexuality process group?


Individual and couples therapy also available